‘Our parents used her phone to call me and say I'm awful for pulling away ‘: 18-year-old Kacie moves out, leaving Twin Katie spiraling to escape a lifetime of twin sameness

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Etai Eshet • Editor
Sep 12, 2025 8:00 PM EDT

Katie and Kacie's parents forced twin sameness for years, and to their surprise, suppressing a person's personality can have unexpected consequences like one kid moving out at 18 to breathe while the other melts down. 

Matching names, matching classes, matching bed, matching friends, and matching hobbies turned life into a buy one get one identity where any boundary got labeled coercion and a two night hospital stay felt like a spa because it came with silence. Now Kacie lives out of state, goes to community college, works a job, and finally gets days that don't require being Katie's twin on loop, while Katie drops out, moves home, and begs to move in together to reboot the old setup.

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  • AITA for pulling away from my identical twin sister even though I know it has caused her to spiral?

    Cheezburger Image 10553111552
    via Valeria Valeria

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • I (18F) am an identical twin. Our parents encouraged an insanely close to the point of co- dependency relationship and my sister fell hard into it while I resented the h I out of it.
    via Kyc0122
  • Our parents even named us super similarly. My sister is Katie and I'm Kacie, and the spelling of my name was chosen intentionally. Our parents wanted us to match always.
    via Kyc0122
  • My parents and sister always expected us to do everything together. We shared a bedroom and bed our whole lives until June. That's when I packed up my stuff and I moved out of our parents house.
    via Kyc0122
  • Our parents insisted to every school we went to and every teacher we had that we'd be in the same class and sitting next to each other all year.
    via Kyc0122
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    via Valeria Valeria

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  • When we had field trips we were to be each other's buddy. If one was invited to a birthday party then the other was assumed to be invited too regardless of whether they were or not.
    via Kyc0122
  • All our extra curricular's were the same and it was miserable for me because I hated them. Those were all my sister's interests, not mine.
    via Kyc0122
  • Any time I tried to set boundaries with my sister she'd discard them and would carry on as normal, and normal for us was being co- dependent and super enmeshed.
    via Kyc0122
  • I was never very close to our parents but I gave up on ever having a good relationship with them when I was 11 and they got mad at me for keeping a secret friend from my sister.
    via Kyc0122
  • They actually accused me of buying because I wanted to keep a friend to myself. That's how bad things were.
    via Kyc0122
  • Cheezburger Image 10553112064
    via Valeria Valeria

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • My sister has always hated when someone liked me and wanted to be my friend but didn't like her or want to be her friend. For my sister we're one and the same.
    via Kyc0122
  • If you like one you like both. She doesn't see us as our own individual people. Just as twins. Identical twins who are alike in every single way possible.
    via Kyc0122

  • Parents pile on with guilt and dramatic speeches about how distance is cruel, which is a bold take on oxygen. The fix stays simple and not cinematic. A twin is not a treatment plan, proximity is not therapy, and love does not mean cohabiting a personality. Keep contact small and scheduled, one weekly check in, short calls, share counseling resources, and say no to shared housing, shared schedules, and surprise visits with matching mugs. If it rebuilds the old costume, it’s a no. Spirals are loud and temporary.

  • I remember being in the hospital when I was 14 and she wasn't allowed to stay with me and my parents were removed from the hospital for abusing the staff over enforcing that rule of no minors overnight.
    via Kyc0122
  • I was released after two days and those were the best nights of sleep I had until that point. I also felt like I got some breathing room which was needed.
    via Kyc0122
  • My sister never slept. She was an absolute mess because I wasn't there. It made me wish I could have stayed in the hospital indefinitely.
    via Kyc0122
  • We were supposed to go to the same college, live together and our parents planned on bu ying admin at our school of choice into assigning us as roommates.
    via Kyc0122
  • But then I acted like I wasn't going to college, I stayed with a friend and blocked my family for a while before me and my friend moved out of state to a community college.
    via Kyc0122
  • I JUST started everything. I got a job too so I can support myself which is also my reason for community college.
    via Kyc0122
  • I did unblock my sister and it's been awful. I have debated whether I block her again or not but if I do I know it will be a forever thing.
    via Kyc0122
  • There's no doing it for now. If I block her again I won't ever have a relationship with her again so I'm trying not to and seeing if she can try and grow.
    via Kyc0122
  • But she fell apart without me. She's already dropped out of college. She's back living with our parents. She has pleaded with me to come and take her home with me.
    via Kyc0122
  • Our parents used her phone to call me and say I'm awful for pulling away from my sister who needs me.
    via Kyc0122
  • They said I'm being ab ive and accused me of trying to k*ll her with this.
    via Kyc0122
  • I can see her downward spiral but I just can't be enmeshed with her for the rest of my life. I want to be me. Not Katie's twin Kacie.
    via Kyc0122

  • Boundaries are quiet and durable. Let parents parent without outsourcing regulation to a teenager, let Katie learn coping that does not require a clone, and let Kacie keep her oxygen. Individuality isn’t betrayal. Distance isn’t cruel. It is the first normal step after a childhood that tried to run two people on one login.

  • Key-Phone-3648 This feels like how my nieces are going to turn out (not identical twins but similar enforcement of enmeshment from my sister). I'm sorry and I hope you can live a happy and independent life.
    via Key-Phone-3648
  • Kyc0122 OP I'm so sorry to hear about your nieces. I hope you can be a person who sees them as the individuals they are. That would have been a huge help to me growing up if I had some family member who saw me that way.
    via Kyc0122
  • sjyffl I'm still stuck on the fact that they made you share a room and a BED until 18?? That's so inappropriate and weird for them to force. It's absolutely acceptable for twins to need space and it's no wonder you're over it, OP. I'm just sorry you had to endure that for so long. NTA in any way.
    via sjyffl
  • Kyc0122 OP They sure did. They did it when we were babies and toddlers and thought it was such a cute idea and that we'd do it forever basically.
    via Kyc0122
  • meeeee01 I am sorry, that sounds awful for anyone with a shred of individualism. You deserve your own life and
    via meeeee01
  • Kyc0122 OP I had way too much of that for my parents liking. They were harder on me as a result and really tried to quash any individual thinking. I was expected to think and live as a twin 100% of the time.
    via Kyc0122
  • meeeee01 NTA - and while it is absolutely not your responsibility it sounds like Katie and your parents could benefit from therapy. What was their plan for when you got married, or had kids or a thousand other normal life events that could take/keep you two apart?
    via meeeee01
  • Kyc0122 OP You know those multigeneration houses? That's kind of what they envisioned for me and my sister. We'd also wait to get married together, we'd start our own families together and raise those kids together. It was always intended for us to be by each other's sides.
    via Kyc0122

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family drama inheritance brother mother tradition siblings family feud favoritism wedding aunt in laws mother in law twins sister fiancé grandmother Father
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